We Need the Onion

I very much agree with this piece in Wired - I don't think it's a stretch to say, we need The Onion now.

The Onion is that "news" site that never claims full factual status for their stories. Their stories work best when they are just a gently twisted retelling of plain facts.  The truer they are, the funnier and more meaningful they are.  Even... or especially... when that truth is a cold slap in the face.  (Thanks, I needed that!)

I quote in full an Onion story that shows what I am talking about here.  It's just over two years old, and yet it's timeless in the USA.

‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens

ISLA VISTA, CA—In the days following a violent rampage in southern California in which a lone attacker killed seven individuals, including himself, and seriously injured over a dozen others, citizens living in the only country where this kind of mass killing routinely occurs reportedly concluded Tuesday that there was no way to prevent the massacre from taking place. “This was a terrible tragedy, but sometimes these things just happen and there’s nothing anyone can do to stop them,” said North Carolina resident Samuel Wipper, echoing sentiments expressed by tens of millions of individuals who reside in a nation where over half of the world’s deadliest mass shootings have occurred in the past 50 years and whose citizens are 20 times more likely to die of gun violence than those of other developed nations. “It’s a shame, but what can we do? There really wasn’t anything that was going to keep this guy from snapping and killing a lot of people if that’s what he really wanted.” At press time, residents of the only economically advanced nation in the world where roughly two mass shootings have occurred every month for the past five years were referring to themselves and their situation as “helpless.”

I am sad and disgusted that I cannot remember which mass shooting they were responding to when they published that.  We could just play it on a loop.

In case you were wondering, I have zero expectation that the Senate filibuster/ compromise/ whatever is going to do jack-squat about anything.  The NRA will beat a microscopic tactical retreat and then get back to the serious business of handing out wads of cash to bottom-feeding bloodthirsty troglodytes.  By which I mean, Congressional Republicans.  The Senate GOP gang will "allow a vote."  It will either fail on party lines, or fail to pass in the House, or be watered down worse than a homeopathic 30x dilution before it reaches the President's desk.

This article was updated on May 9, 2023

David F