Bowling Balls

photo: David Olson/Detroit Free Press

A Michigan man found 158 bowling balls under his back steps while doing a bit of site work for a new deck. This is usually going to be one of those news items that's mildly amusing, and a little odd, and a pleasant diversion.

But then there was a line near the end of the story that caught my eye and literally made me a little more pessimistic about the USA and whether it can be saved from idiocy. Or even whether it should be.

He also donated eight balls for a nearby church to use in a bowling ball cannon at a pig roast.

What...? The...? Fuck...? "Bowling ball cannon"? That's a thing? Why, yes, yes it is. I hit up Duck-Duck-Go and discovered a place that makes these. They are fired using black powder, and have a range of almost a mile.

That paint job is perfect.
Nothing says "'Murrica!" like this.

Just the kind of entertainment you expect at a church picnic. What could be more "meek shall inherit the Earth" than launching 16 pounds of hardened rubber capable of destroying the neighbors' barn? Or the neighbors.

By the way, if you're wondering why this is legal, it's because you use black powder. Black powder is simply gunpowder that's only almost as efficient as the powder used in modern ammo. So you'll only kill people a little less dead with it.

This article was updated on May 9, 2023

David F